Introduction Understand the EXACT process of Anxiety Panic Awarded 5 stars by UK Mental Health Foundation fear panic obsessive worry stress

What Is 'Not Doing'?

Awarded 5* by the UK 'Mental Health Foundation'


Hi Will thanks for the reply and I can see that I was fixing my intensity with intensity as you say. However, the journey for me to 'not' head-talk is perilous and I really can't get to grips yet with achieving this state. Why do we do it? Thanks anyway for all your kind words of encouragement, I think this is going to take me time but I do know that this is the key if we are to achieve recovery and focus in flow. Iona SK

25/9/18   Just wanna say thanks for even being available to chat like this..
So Im now thinking that If I'm driving in my car making up a future conversation with you/my partner/my boss.... When I notice this, don't beat myself up for it, and don't be tempted to go back in and ask why/analyse..
My instant reaction at the minute is, bloody hell your head talking again... So maybe it's that which needs to change for starters

Hi Will. For some reason I found it necessary to write down what I've learnt, why I think I'm still in the cycle and what's keeping me stuck, and why this means with a few changes I can get out of it.. 
I'd love to share it, but it's loooong, which at least means I've learnt a fair bit from you and Paul. 
One question I wrote down at the end is as follows:
What if I have the primary thought that I'll always have anxiety and it will ruin my life. Probably followed quickly by I hate it and want rid and then you'll be OK, you're getting there. 
Then I realise I'm thinking the thought/cut off from it. It's followed by another negative then a positive thought such as, stick with what youre learning, it'll make sense soon.. 
What I tend to do then is go back to the negative (not sure if this is forced or not) and think why it might ruin me.. I then think of another positive thought (usually something else I've learned), then another negative, then a positive etc etc etc... I think this may be intentional.. 
Is this secondary rumination or because it isn't strictly thinking about thinking i.e. It isn't thinking about thinking, in the sense that I'm not thinking, oh god this again, why am I like this etc.. Then is this OK? 
Lots of my days are spent in this battle, which is obviously stressful and prevents me from being in the real world and exhausts my mind.. And because of this there's an underpinning belief that its wrong (but not always actual thoughts about it being wrong).. 
This is the bit that I feel must change if I'm to get out of the cycle and I'd be interested to know if I should aim to use my cut off not to go back in, or if this doesn't class as secondary and I should try and be OK with it.. 
Sorry for the long email and I hope it makes sense.. 

Hi James thanks for the email and it will take time for you to realise the forced process ...this process of forcing is typified by head talking 
 unfortunately I cannot give you this exact part of you thinking...  you will gradually start to notice it yourself
however I don't want you to get distressed with this because it will take time. 
The main difference is that we can sometimes recognise our thoughts be a momentary even though not nice or confusing and that we are 'then' forcing by tensing up into panic and analysis fighting it thanks Will 

Thanks Will, I think the main thing I'm trying to work out is whether or not just thinking about thinking is secondary or whether secondary could be a head talking conversation..
I think I've come to my own conclusion that I do sometimes have a thought and then secondary panic or control by having conversations with myself in my head. So I do think some of my head talking is secondary and forced but isn't thinking about thinking..
Thanks for coming back to me.

That worry is what means you wont let go - yes it can be scary as youre not used to it - but letting your mind 'think what it thinks' without then going back in to that thought is exactly what flow is and it is a safe place. You do have to dig in and ''avoid'' that forced follow on and give it a day to start with and come back to me.

Helping that recovery along so it’s clear is not something that will necessarily click straight away so remember...

The stages (taken from Ch 8)

  1. Momentary thoughts/feelings – negative or positive – these cover ALL thoughts/feelings and are normal even if they are intense/stressed/odd/mad etc. – CAN’T be helped
  2. Our cut-off ‘from’ these thoughts/feelings – when we are stressed/feel bad – this cut-off point stands out (spike) and jerks us into an awareness of our stressed thinking – CAN’T be helped
  1. Our panic – characterised by us then forcibly going ‘back’ into those thoughts to analyse/reason with them – typified by head-talking (only we can tell if we force back in, as only we can feel it) – CAN be helped
  2. Solution is simply ‘not to’ do that forced head-talking – it’s easier not to do, than to do it.

Of course, we should realise that it's actually easier NOT to force our thinking - as we don't like pain, like control/perfection/black and white thinking etc etc etc. we can be left prone to that temptation.

  Many of you will have experienced the depths of despair, separate from life, detached from conversations and not really able to truly flow, as you. Not knowing whether you're coming or going, leaping from solution to solution and engaged in a constant tussle of forced repetitive 'thinking' in a bid to control your confusion and unhappiness.

You can live on the right side of that fine line, as there is so much so much positive in being you. We can stay on that positive side as long as we don’t take the secondary option to latch onto, or grab any discomforting experience as there will be many of them! We must stay in flow to thrive. 

The Mind Works is also available on the 'Get Book' page (188 pages in length), Paperback £11.49 (Sold Out), TMW Ebook £8.99 (Ebook can also be purchased on Amazon in Kindle format). There are more set situations/tests and Advice Columns along with more sufferers' success stories as they start to get to grips with this affliction. There is also a free 30 min SKYPE session also where you can follow up any doubts etc with a personal one:one conversation by phone/Skype.

Articles deal with depression and anxiety and how this starts to disappear as our negative and tense energy output drops - with 'less trying' to force extended retrospective control spurred on by that spike, that protective cut-off which stands out when we are stressed.